Every now and then it feels like maybe I’m trying to cross the troll bridge by walking on the handrail. It’s harder, more exhilarating and there’s a fantastic view. But one step wrong and everything is going to come crashing down and then there’s going to be a troll stomping.
What I mean by this, is that I still need to cross that bridge everyday – I need to do all the things that sustain life and basic hygiene. I need to cook, eat, drink and wash myself. Ideally, I’ll do some cleaning as I don’t like to live in a pigsty. But sometimes, I just want to do fun things.
I want to bake six types of Christmas cookies. I want to sort my craft room and sort all my yarn and fabric into types and colours. I want to have a dinner party and feed people.
Especially that last one. I love to feed people; it gives me joy. Unfortunately, it uses up quite a lot of energy and usually means I don’t have enough left for the next day or two.
But here’s the thing; if I don’t do things I enjoy – if I don’t bring gluten-free Christmas cookies in to my old workmates, if I stop feeding my brother-in-law when he’s over helping the knight build chicken coops or other projects, if I don’t crochet the cutest little mermaid tail for my friend’s baby, if I never have another dinner party or any number of other things, then my happiness well will dry up.
So I do it anyway. I get up on that handrail and cross the bridge in the more fun way. I’m learning to pace myself, so that when I inevitably slip off the handrail, hopefully I’m still on the bridge the next day (rather than wallowing in the gully with a troll’s foot on my back).
It’s a work in progress, but I’m getting much better at it. I had some of the knight’s family over for dinner the other week as my brother-in-law is off overseas for six months. I kept it simple (for me), and allowed my knight’s aunt to bring a salad. I made mango & coconut pudding a few days before (find the recipe here) and put them in the freezer. I made quiche crusts the day before and blind baked them, and made an olive focaccia and baked it to just cooked so it could brown a little more when I warmed it up. Which meant that all I had to do on the day was throw a GAPS friendly salad together, make the quiche filling and bake them (and this was super easy because of my Tefal Cuisine Companion), warm up the focaccia, and take the puddings out of the freezer.
I then had a very enjoyable dinner with my knight’s family. They are wonderful people and I enjoy spending time with them. I had a tiny glass of wine and enjoyed myself.
Yes, that used up way more energy than normal. It meant that the next day was spent doing very, very little. I had a bath, got in my HBO2 chamber and basically used as little energy as I could.
But it was worth it. And I’ve learned that making a fuss about the people I love is part of who I am, and if I stopped, then I would stop being me. I just have to learn to do it in a way that works.
