I was at my Psychology appointment today and I had a sudden moment of complete clarity.
My physical symptoms do not define my self-worth.
I wrote that in nice big red letters because I don’t want anyone to miss it. Logically, I already knew this. If you had asked me six months ago, (and I have a feeling that maybe my Psychologist did) if I believed that a person’s physical health or ability defined their self-worth, I would have said; “Of course not.”
But logically knowing something is true, and applying that belief to oneself is not the same thing.
Today as I chatted about surviving Christmas, my writing – in particular about my post on anxiety and depression and my various new undertakings, it suddenly dawned on me.
I am not defined by my physical symptoms. Yes, I have pain and fatigue, but they are a part of my life, not who I am. I am so much more.
Yes, having to share my life with the FibroTroll sucks. It’s an uninvited houseguest that steals my energy and never picks up wet towels from the bathroom floor. It insists on being involved in every single thing I do. Going to brunch? Think about the Troll. Shower vs bath? Will the Troll let me stand up or will I need to soak? Hang a load of washing? What is the Troll doing to my shoulders today? What to have for lunch – yep, you guessed it, think about the FibroTroll.
But that’s just it. It’s the FibroTroll that is the problem. Not me. I didn’t invite it, and so far my track record of surviving what the Troll throws at me is 100% success. I’m still here and I’m going to keep fighting. I am lucky enough to have my knight in tarnished armour (shiny armour is totally over-rated) fighting right next to me. The FibroTroll might win the battles, but it will never, ever win the war.
So my fellow FibroWarriors, I want you to take this message. Write it down on a post-it note and stick it somewhere that you will see every day.
I AM NOT MY ILLNESS AND MY PHYSICAL SYMPTOMS DO NOT DEFINE MY SELF WORTH.
We are all so much more than an illness. We have value simply because we exist.
Keep fighting fellow warriors. The FibroTroll is an arsehole. That doesn’t mean you are less of a person.
